Finding Happiness After Suffering From Sexual Trauma

A couple days ago I was talking with my cousin Mandy and she brought up the topic of sexual abuse.

During our conversation, we were surprised to find out that we had both been victims of sexual abuse multiple times in the past.

The truth is, sexual trauma is far too common.

Upwards of 1 in every 3 women have been victims of sexual abuse.¹ A staggering 1 in every 4 girls will have been sexually assaulted by the time they turn 18.²

While my cousin and I were astonished by how many similarities were in our stories, we realized that we were not alone.

Sexual abuse is a problem for so many, and yet it is not openly talked about. Far too often these cases go completely unreported out of fear.

It is hard to live with the adversity of sexual abuse, and many victims experience this tribulation more than once.

Undergoing such a traumatic experience negatively affects your mentality, especially at a young age.

Your brain attempts to respond to the trauma as a means of protection, leaving the emotional scars running deep.

Unfortunately, the negative side effects of sexual assault affect your life in a very profound way, whether you realize it or not. It can be very difficult to change the way your brain is wired.

But don’t give up hope yet. There are things you can do to find happiness and to be in control of your life. Even as a victim of abuse, you can live a fulfilled life.

I wanted to share a part of my cousin Mandy’s story as well as her advice on living a happy life despite having gone through a traumatic past.

Her Story

Mandy shared with me that she was first sexually assaulted when she was very young, around the age of ten years old. Even though she was traumatized, she felt a need to protect her abuser.

She didn’t feel she could share what had happened with anyone, so she kept it to herself.

She tried to forgive herself and suppress the terrible memories. She told herself that other people had worse things happen to them.

The horrifying experience played a role in every part of her life and changed her life forever whether she realized it at the time or not.

It especially changed the relationships she had with other men.

She was mistreated by guys in high school and was subjected to verbal abuse. She went on to enter an unhealthy marriage that was a nightmare from the start.

Her sexual assault had left her burdened with long-term triggers.

In early adulthood, she started suffering from depression. She realized that she struggled a lot with negative self-talk and was guilty of bullying herself.

Remembering the terrible incident made her feel angry.

She was angered not only by what had happened but also because she felt the need to keep quiet in order to protect those who hurt her.

She was the one who had been so deeply hurt!

She felt betrayed and wondered why no one had helped her when she needed it. It was unfair.

Even though Mandy had lived a hard life and had been through so much, she found a way to be happy and to be grateful for all that she has.

I think her advice on overcoming sexual abuse and finding happiness in her life is nothing short of incredible. It is honest, compelling, and exceptionally insightful.

Take a look for yourself and I know you will love what you learn from her inspirational words of wisdom!

Overcoming Sexual Abuse

1. Share Your Story

One thing Mandy told me that I absolutely loved was the importance of sharing your story about what happened to you.

She informed me that the first time she shared her own story was in a comment beneath another story she stumbled across on Instagram.

Mandy said she was so moved by the post that she felt the urge to share her own story, even though she was sharing with complete strangers.

Mandy and I both agreed that there is a lot of fear associated with talking about sexual abuse.

It is an extremely tough topic for conversation. Many people do not know what to say or how to handle the news when you share your story with them.

It is difficult to share because you don’t want to face any judgment or be an embarrassment to your family or loved ones.

Sometimes it feels like it’s your fault, and you don’t want to be in trouble or blamed for what happened to you.

No matter what you feel, you’re not alone.

There are so many others who carry the same burden and it is really important to stand up for yourself and tell your story.

Being open about what happened helps you process what you experienced.

There are many different ways you can share your story.

If you have a good support system, find a friend or family member who you can talk to about anything, free of judgment, and share your story with them.

There are many support groups for sexual abuse online either through social media, or you can go through an organization.

Many hospitals and mental health organizations also offer support groups for those who have undergone sexual assault. Therapy can be another great option.

No matter what route you choose, remember that sharing your story helps you feel better by processing what happened and understanding your feelings associated with it.

Doing so truly can help you work through the trauma. It will help you accept what happened so you can live a happy life without being stuck dwelling on the trauma.

2. Work on Yourself

Another really important thing that Mandy shared with me was how much working on herself had gotten her to where she is and has helped her achieve happiness.

One of the hardest things to do is to work on yourself and change your thought process.

It is so important to forgive yourself for what happened and to recognize that it was not your fault. Then, forego lingering on the past and focus on what you can do right now.

Mandy told me that during a girl’s weekend with friends a while back, she took part in an activity where she wrote a forgiveness letter to herself.

Mandy said she was the only one of her friends to break down and cry when she read hers because she didn’t realize just how mean she really was to herself.

She realized she had been bullying herself since she was a child, and that negative inner dialogue needed to come to an end.

She worked on changing her negative thoughts about herself and focused on everything she had in life that she was grateful for. “Now I just surround myself with positive thoughts,” she informed me.

When Mandy felt that she wasn’t where she wanted to be in life and found that she was comparing herself to others who had what she wanted, she used her intuition.

She knew that she had to do the work if she wanted to get unstuck. She knew that if she wasn’t where she wanted to be in life, she only had herself to blame.

This is such a great realization because it is so true.

You are the only one who can hold yourself back. If you’re not where you want to be, it’s on you. You alone have the ability to change the way you think about yourself.

That is actually a beautiful thing because it means that you have the power to change!

3. Reflect on Your Journey

Sometimes we are so focused on the negatives that we don’t realize just how far we have come in life and all of the progress we have made.

Mandy enlightened me with her words. “Once you reach a certain point and realize how far you’ve come, it’s hard to slip back into what you were.”

When she said this to me, I was truly inspired.

Sometimes it feels like you’re going to be stuck forever. Anytime you do manage to get off the ground and start bettering yourself, things crash and burn.

The journey feels like one step forward and two steps back.

But, if you can sustain the positive momentum for long enough, you get to a point of realization where you can truly appreciate just how far you’ve come.

You recognize that you’ve made incredible strides, and yet you still have the potential to keep going much farther.

Mandy told me how she feels when she looks back on her journey. She stated that she has come so far and that she doesn’t want to be mean to herself ever again.

She never wants to go back to the way she used to be, so she reminds herself of who that person was and who she is now.

Using comparison in this way can be helpful and put things into perspective.

If you take the time to consider who you used to be and what you used to struggle with and then compare it with who you are now, you can really start to recognize your success and feel empowered to continue moving forward.

Mandy uses this technique to motivate herself. It gives her the momentum to reach her goals and continue becoming her best self.

It truly is a powerful tool to use and it inspires me to keep moving forward as well!

4. Have a Great Support System

Having a great support system can make all the difference. Be sure to identify who you have in your life that is part of your support system.

Mandy informed me that her husband and kids are her main supporters. She especially boasted about her husband being her number one support!

She proclaimed that she is inspired by the wonderful person he is, and he makes her want to be a better person because of the incredible example he sets in life.

She is grateful to him for his unwavering support and unconditional love. He never makes her feel bad about herself and is her biggest fan!

He came into her life during her darkest hour and has always accepted her for who she is and supported her along her journey. Now that is the ultimate support partner!

Your support group can consist of anyone and by no means do you have to be in a relationship in order to get support!

Your main supporters could be your parents, siblings, or friends. Your support system may also include a therapist or support group you belong to.

Whoever it is for you, it is important to have at least one person you can rely on for support when you need it.

Ultimately, it is best to have multiple people in your support system so you maximize the support you get.

Where She is Today

After coming so far in her journey, Mandy tells me that she is now “super happy in life!”

She says that she doesn’t think about what happened very much anymore. She does however still deal with triggers and still struggles with plenty of other things.

Now she says she is able to get her emotions out in a healthy way and continue on with life instead of lingering on the negative feelings.

She chooses to stay positive and to hold herself accountable for the change she wants to see in her life.

Mandy says that she still has a lot to work on, but overall she is really happy and grateful for all that she has.

“It’s still hard to talk about what happened, but I have been becoming much more open about it and that really helps.”

* * *

If you have been a victim of sexual abuse, remember that you are not alone.

I strongly encourage you to share your story with someone in your support system.

Remember to believe in yourself. Take the time to work on yourself and to take good care of yourself.

You determine what your life is. Only you can make the changes you wish to see in yourself. Even with sexual trauma in your past, you can still live a happy and fulfilled life.

Too many people are victims of sexual assault, especially as children. Everyone deserves to be happy and live a life they love, no matter what happened to them in their past.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual abuse, use the following information to reach out and get help.

Hotlines and Helpful Information

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network)
- Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
- Online Hotline: https://www.online.rainn.org
- Website: https://www.rainn.org

Office Of Women’s Health
- Violence Against Women Hotline: 1-800-994-9662
- Website: https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/sexual-assault-and-rape

Finding Happiness After Suffering From Sexual Trauma

Her Story