Alternatives to Self-Harm That Actually Work

If you struggle with your mental health, you know that negative emotions can be extremely difficult to cope with. 

Sometimes it seems there’s nothing we can do to get rid of feeling the way we do.

In an attempt to rid ourselves of the pain, we resort to fighting fire with fire. We harm ourselves in hopes it will rid us of the terrible feeling we’re experiencing and end our suffering.

I understand because I’ve been there, too.

I used to regularly self-harm during manic episodes and breakdowns or in extreme moments of depression from the time I was 15 until I was nearly 25. 

It was a very regular way for me to deal with my emotions and it seemed like it helped for a short time, even though it never really made me feel better. 

It took the edge off. 

But it was also dangerously unhealthy and incredibly detrimental to my mental wellbeing (and of course my body as well). 

Self-harming in any way is not the answer and it is not a healthy coping mechanism.

There are other options that are much healthier and that are actually way more effective as well! 

It is difficult, I know, but it’s possible to kick your self-harming habit for good! Others have done it, I was able to do it, and you can do it as well!

I understand that self-harming can be addicting. That is why the key to stopping self-harm is to replace that habit with healthier ones.

You’ll come to find that you can manage your emotions more positively and effectively when you replace your habits with the following alternatives to self-harm.

Ways to Stop Hurting Yourself and Start Showing Yourself Love When You’re Struggling

Make a list

Being prepared with a list of alternatives can be extremely effective in ending your self-harming tendencies.

Write down 10 alternatives that you could realistically use to replace self-harm. If you can think of more, write more! But try to at least have 10 options on your list.

If you’re not sure where to get started, use ideas from this article! Also, think about what things or activities make you happy or feel better and try including some of those.

Keep this list handy so that you’re able to look at it any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself.  That way, instead of self-harming, you can choose something on the list and then take action! 

If you still feel like harming yourself after that, pick another list item and do it. Keep doing this until the urge subsides and you’re feeling better.

Distract yourself

One of the most effective ways to combat thoughts of self-harm is to completely distract your mind. 

While I understand this is easier said than done, distracting your brain with something else allows you to let go of your focus on the thoughts of self-harm and reground yourself in the space around you.

Turn your attention to an activity, a project, another person, a book, a television show, or anything else that might cheer you up or at least distract your mind from the negative thoughts you’re experiencing.

If one activity doesn’t seem to be doing the trick, switch it up and try another. Be persistent until the urges subside.

Breathe

A lot of times the desire to harm yourself is accompanied by extreme and heightened emotional states. 

Breathing can help you to collect your thoughts and ground yourself back in reality so you can assess the situation from a calmer perspective. It allows you the time you need to take a step back and pause before acting on an impulse.

Try taking 10 deep, slow breaths, breathing in to fill your lungs, and then exhaling completely each time. If you still want to hurt yourself, repeat the breaths or try another breathing exercise.

Switching up breathing exercises can be helpful by forcing yourself to focus your attention on your breathing pattern and how your breaths feel differently in the body rather than ruminating on thoughts of self-harm.

Ground yourself in logic

Try combatting your negative self-harm thoughts with logic and reason. 

The next time you feel the urge to hurt yourself, ask yourself why you feel that way and question those thoughts rationally. Do your best to approach your thoughts with curiosity and avoid judging yourself in any way.

What may have triggered the thoughts of self-harm? What are the thoughts that keep repeating over and over? Are they actually true? 

Use your journal to help you answer these questions and explore your thoughts.

Then ask yourself, “what could I do to feel better right now, other than hurting myself?” Explore other ways you could achieve the same relief in a positive and healthy manner. 

Pro Tip: Use your alternatives to self-harm list to answer the last question. You can also use information from exploring your thoughts in these exercises to help you find more alternatives to self-harm that work for you.

Exercise

Exercising is another really amazing way to get rid of those thoughts of self-harm. 

In fact, if you’re finding it hard to draw your attention away from the negative thoughts, try exercise.

Exercise is a wonderful coping mechanism for a few different reasons. 

For one, it releases endorphins in your brain and boosts serotonin levels which helps you release tension and feel happy. The act of physically moving the body also allows you to release any pent-up energy related to the negative thoughts of self-harm.

As a runner, I like to use the motto, “when in doubt, run it out.” And by that I mean, when things are hard to handle, and when you can’t get rid of those thoughts of self-harm, turn to physical activity for a positive release and “run out” all of the negative emotions. 

So burn up that negative energy and increase the release of happy chemicals in your brain.

It doesn’t have to be much, but make it a point to get out and run, walk, or practice some yoga. Shoot for a minimum of 20-30 minutes for maximum effectiveness.

Cry, then move on

One thing that is often underrated is the power of crying. 

I am a huge advocate for crying because it’s a wonderful and healthy way to release emotion. I cry all of the time and I use crying to release a multitude of different emotions, not just for sadness or depression. 

Instead of hurting yourself, try crying. 

You may have to force yourself to cry a little and that’s okay. When you teach your body that it is okay to cry and that doing so is a healthy outlet, you’ll begin to replace your negative habits with this more positive one. 

And don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you’re going to be crying about everything all of the time! 

It may take some practice or getting used to, but you’ll find that you’re able to control the times when you cry and teach your body when crying is an appropriate response.

Listen to music

Listening to positive music can also help to improve your mood and banish those terrible thoughts of self-harm. 

Try listening to songs that are uplifting, inspiring, and make you feel happy. It can be helpful to create a “happy” playlist to use whenever you start feeling the urge to hurt yourself. 

Consider naming the playlist something that is also uplifting such as, “I Will Persist,” “Everything is Okay,” “Overcome,” “Strength,” etc. so you start feeling better just by looking at the title.

Avoid listening to any music that is depressing or amplifies your negative feelings. While there can be a time and a place for this, it is not when you want to hurt yourself.

Find a new outlet for strong feelings

Something that’s really important to do when you’re quitting self-harming is to find some sort of different outlet for how you’re feeling. 

Using any, all, or a combination of the actions above is a super great start! But don’t be afraid to get creative when it comes to finding an alternative to self-harming. 

If you need a way to release built-up emotion, then try punching a pillow or hitting your bed. Let out a scream and release some of that emotion. 

Set your timer for 90 seconds and allow yourself that time to kick and yell and get it all out in whatever way you want (taking care to not actually harm yourself in any way). 

Then, regain control of your breathing and move forward.

Call a family member

When you’re really struggling with feelings of wanting to hurt yourself, never hesitate to pick up the phone and call someone in your support circle! 

Reach out to a trusted family member or friend and let them know that you’re not doing well. Talk with them until you are feeling better.

If you don’t want to share your thoughts with the person you call, then just let them know you’re feeling a little down and are looking for a distraction or pick-me-up. 

Your loved one is going to be happy to be able to help you out!

Call a hotline or therapist

If you don’t want to call a loved one or you don’t have a support circle yet, then reach out to a free mental health hotline. 

There are many options for hotlines available, some are international, some are national, and some are local. It’s best to do your research to find which hotlines will suit you best.

Once you find the hotlines you like, you can add them to an easily accessible list or put them directly in your mental fitness care plan. 

You can also contact your therapist if you’re seeing one. 

Reach out and let them know how you’ve been feeling. Schedule a follow-up appointment so you can work on replacing self-harming with a positive habit.

IMPORTANT: If you are unable to manage the urges and cannot resist the urge to hurt yourself, please call 911 or an emergency mental health hotline immediately! It is best to get professional help to keep yourself safe.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24/7 free emergency hotline you can contact in case of a mental health emergency in the United States: 1-800-273-8255

It’s confidential, and it’s available for use by anyone who is experiencing a mental health crisis of any kind or those in need of mental health resources.

* * *

Overcoming self-harm can be extremely tough to do. It took me many years to figure out what coping skills worked and many more to be able to completely quit self-harming.

But it’s absolutely possible!

When you replace your self-harm habits with positive ones, you’ll be able to quit self-harming and live a happier, healthier life!

I’ve been loving myself for almost 4 years now, and thoughts of self-harm have become nonexistent!

With a plan, a good support group, patience, and perseverance, you can overcome self-harm and use coping skills that actually serve your needs.

You are too beautiful of a person to be hurting yourself and you’ve been through far too much to treat yourself that way. 

Show yourself love and react to your needs and emotions with grace.

If you’re looking for more coping skills, read the article, Coping Skills You Can Use in Under 5 Minutes, and check out this article to learn how to ditch the negative self-talk.

For more information on how to love yourself, check out 9 Ways to Start Loving Yourself for Who You Are.